‘Next Time Buy a F***in’ Car’: To Canberra by Bicycle

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‘Next time we’ll bring a tent’, I said.

‘Next time we’ll check ahead for accommodation’, she said.

‘Next time buy a fuckin’ car’, said the old bikie.

Not long before, we had pedalled wearily into the metropolis of Trunkey Creek, somewhere in the mountains between Bathurst and Crookwell. At the midpoint of a week’s ride from Mt. Victoria to Canberra, we had already done some serious mountain climbing and had even more to go. But now our main concerns were food and shelter, for we had neither for the evening. Would we have to sleep on a park bench, or perhaps on the side of the road, cold and hungry?

Back Roads: Between Pleasure and Pain

We had seized a week from lives that seem to remain busy, despite our best efforts. It was enough time to ride through some remote parts, from the edge of the Blue Mountains to the intriguing Australian capital. Through Lithgow, Bathurst, Abercrombie Caves, Crookwell, Gunning and Murrumbateman we would pass, although we had not planned to follow this route. Initially, we set out to ride along main roads, bending our way westwards to Cowra and then south through Boorowa to Canberra. But the short ‘positioning ride’ – 25 kilometres from Mt Victoria to Lithgow – changed our minds. Here the Great Western Highway begins to drop, on a steep and twisting road, out of the Blue Mountains. Massive semi-trailers grind downhill in low gear, sweeping wide on the hair-pin bends. Cars stack up behind, impatient to pass. And the road shoulder is rubbish-strewn, bumpy and barely a ribbon, where it exists at all.

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So we agreed to follow the back roads, prepared to take what they had to offer – a mixture of pleasure and pain. Painful was the climbing, and our route was not short of the climbs. Some were steady and seemingly never-ending. Some were vertiginous, like climbing a wall on two wheels. The first 20 kilometres out of Lithgow – on our second day – had plenty of these, although they were nothing by comparison with what was to come a couple of days later. That day’s ride, from Abercrombie Caves to Crookwell, was the toughest I have ridden for quite some time. It had no less than eight gut-busting climbs over 80 kilometres, alternating between rough bitumen and gravel. Here the steepness was such that I often had to stand on the pedals, in granny gear, to keep the bicycle moving at all. The flow of honey on rolls, kiwi fruit and muesli bars – really glorified sugar mixes – were the only things that kept us going.

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Yet even pain like this has its own pleasure, not so much beyond the pain barrier but in the pain itself. For this reason, I perversely like to stay on the bicycle rather than walk the toughest parts – even if my riding speed is no greater than hauling a loaded bicycle up a goat track on foot.

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Very different are those glorious stretches of road which appear by happenstance, a dream road that keeps you heading out again and again. One such road – between Tarana and Bathurst – appeared already on the second day. A river road it was, following the railway line. The morning of that day may have been tough, leading us to dread the afternoon, but the advice of a local at the Tarana pub sent us this way. Soon enough our legs lost their leaden feeling, the swooping magpies seemed to offer friendly greetings, a couple of echidnas toddled out to see the curious sight of two cyclists in their peaceful part of the world, and the road seemed as though it had been made for us. The 40 or so kilometres passed in no time at all.

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A few days later, we happened upon another: the ride from Crookwell to Gunning. It began ominously enough, with a slow climb first thing in the morning to 1200 metres. But from here the rest of the day was a long downhill, with a few small rises in the gradual descent. All the grinding climbs of the previous day fell away. An early spring sun shone, the air was clear and the views took in the valley below. If one can have a rest on a bicycle, then this was it. Even our leather seats felt like comfortable chairs upon which we lazily stretched.

Local ‘Histories’

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After a day in the saddle, I sleep long and deep, my body repairing and my mind loose. But finding a town or even a village, let alone a bed for the night is not always a given. A bicycle’s front wheel can take you to unexpected places, for it seems to have a mind of its own. Our first stop was Lithgow, which we love – a working town in a fold of the mountains with a feel like Newcastle. But the pub was rough and ready and the sandy-haired publican foul-mouthed and grumpy. In Bathurst, with its grand streets and imposing Presbyterian Church, we raced from pub to motel to pub, only to score – by seconds – the last room in Jim Duggan’s. Could we take our bicycles into the room? Of course. And what a room it was, with a separate bathroom, toilet, living area and massive bedroom – a small apartment really. In Gunning, we happened upon a grand room in the Telegraph Hotel with a glorious balcony. It was $50 for the night.

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Yet, I was most intrigued by the ‘flyers’ in the motel in Crookwell (yes, we opted for a motel after that day of eight tough climbs). The ‘flyers’ in question were simply sheets of paper, providing ‘histories’ of the towns in the area. And immensely informative they were. Historic events included the birth of the first white child, the establishment of saddlery, boot maker and a mail order business, the forthrightness of a certain Dr Ettie Lyons, the planting of pine trees along the main street, the removal of veranda posts from footpaths in 1950, and, most recently, the arrival of alpacas. Much space was given to a murder in Gunning: Lucretia Dunkley, with the assistance of their servant, murdered her husband, Henry, at their farm. They were executed for their efforts. Even more intriguing were the implicit narratives. The account of crops grown revealed a systemic destruction of native flora: wheat was grown and potatoes used to break up the soil; sheep then roamed over the land to ‘stool’ the wheat, and along with cattle, they ate down the native grasses. And as rabbits became a nuisance, a rabbit freezing works was established. Equally implicit was the presentation of emergence of the towns on a tabula rasa. Some European ‘discovered’ the area, settlers arrived and the town was declared. Miraculously, no Indigenous people were within cooee – with one exception: the account of Gunning at least recognises the Pajong ‘Fish River’ people in the area. As for Taralga, a nearby town, the account bends over backwards to avoid the obvious conclusion that the name is Indigenous. Instead, it suggests the unlikely possibility that the name derives from ‘Trial Gang’, since at Gunning many bushrangers were put on trial and sentenced.  Uncannily, these potted and quirky accounts reminded me of my youth in such towns, where small local events loom large in the world.

People: From Bad Advice to Ex-Bikies

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The rhythm of the day’s ride, with the painful pleasure of grinding climbs and unexpected stretches of dream roads may be one part of a ride such as this. Out-of-the-way places and the challenge of finding a bed for the night may be another. But I never cease to be surprised by the sheer variety of the strange species known as homo sapiens. Relatively remote country areas seem to enhance their uniqueness.

The twinkling woman in Binda – some distance out of Crookwell – was one. She ran the only shop in the village, where we pulled up with jelly-like legs from the 60 kilometres of precipitous climbs and drops we had just completed.

I staggered into the shop, bought some water and energy, and asked, ‘What is the road like to Crookwell?’

‘Oh, it’s quite flat from here,’ she said.

‘Any climbs?’ I asked. ‘We’re buggered, since we’ve been in the mountains’.

‘I little bit of a rise after the bridge,’ she said. ‘But after that you have long downhill run into Crookwell’.

‘That’s music to my legs’, I said, smiling.

‘You’ll enjoy the view as you ride into Crookwell’.

We had twenty kilometres to go, but from the sound of it, the ride would be a pleasurable pedal through the countryside. How wrong she was. Crookwell sits at 1000 metres above sea-level, and Binda does not. So the road turned out to be two long, steady climbs – with a slight drop at the bridge she mentioned – until we reached the heights of Crookwell. To be sure, we did have a view of town as we rode in, but only for the last kilometre.

The moral: never ask a car driver regarding the nature of the road. For such a person, a steep road means a winding road. A straight road, by contrast, seems to be flat. Never mind the extra push on the accelerator.

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At least we did meet one other group of cyclists who, we thought, should have known better. Two young boys and their father were on a short, three-day tour in the area. A triple they rode, with the father up front and the boys on the two seats behind. With such an expensive machine – a Bike Friday at little less than $10,000 – and the sunny days of early spring, one would have expected them to be relishing the time on the road. But it did not seem so. We encountered them half a dozen times, on the road and in the towns at either end. It was more than enough to realise that the boys were grumpy and the father bored. The boys barely spoke, preferring to play with the iPods mounted on their handlebars. The father regaled us with tales of round-Australia rides before the boys were born. Clearly, he felt their arrival had brought to an end his vigorous youth and curtailed his freedom now. Their ride seemed more punishment than pleasure.

Not so the chunky cyclist in Bathurst. She had the distinct gift of holding the most astonishing variety of local knowledge in her head – and passing it onto every traveller she encountered. No wonder she worked in the tourist information office. Somewhere in her late forties, she was stout to puffy, having benefitted from a life of solid country food. But when she saw our bicycles her eyes lit up. She too was an avid cyclist, knowing the best roads in the area, having done many long tours, and waxing forth – with immense anticipation – about her up-coming tour of Vietnam. ‘She would be the last person I would have expected to be a cyclist’, said my companion.

Yet, the highlight would have to be Trunkey Creek, where we encountered the local and his colourful assertion of the value of automobiles. Here the sheer idiosyncrasies of the Australian countryside struck us on all sides.

Trunkey Creek boasts a solitary pub and collection of semi-retired bikies and old locals. We had arrived hungry and without a bed for the night.

‘Do you have a room for the night?’ I asked the middle-aged woman pulling beers.

She looked grim. ‘No, they’re being worked on’.

‘Any chance down the road?’ I said.

‘No, the pub at Tuena shut ages ago’. She said. ‘But you can ask the man out the front in the blue shirt. If there’s anything, he’ll know’.

On the veranda, the man with the blue shirt was resting a beer on his impressive gut. He also sported a closed eye, while the other one twitched uncontrollably. But he was generous in the way of country people: if needed, we could use his shed out the back, which had a bed.

His mates started spluttering over their drinks.

‘Don’t mind him if he leaps about the back yard in his batman suit’, said one.

‘It’s not the batman suit I’d be worrying about’, said another. ‘It’s his tighty whities he likes to get around in’.

But one of them, the local police officer who was also having a drink, suggested I call the National Parks and Wildlife Service. They had a few cabins at Abercrombie Caves, about 10 kilometres down the road. One might be available. I borrowed the phone at the bar and tried calling for an hour. At last, a careful, if a little pedantic, man answered the phone.

‘We’re about to close the office’, he said.

‘Do you have a cabin free?’ I asked.

After an immense pause and the sound of ruffling paper, he said: ‘Yes, one is available. How long?’

‘Just tonight’, I said.

‘Yes, it’s available tonight’, he said.

He agreed to leave the key on the office door, since he was going home (which turned out to be in the same building).

Back on the veranda I told our new friend with the shed – and thanked him for the kind offer.

‘I guess you’ll miss the tighty whities’, said one of his drinking mates.

We had shelter, but still no food. Once again I asked the woman behind the bar. The menu had nothing but chocolate bars and chunky beef pies. I opted for the pies, even though I had not eaten one for half a life in light of their less than thrilling reputation.

‘How many do you want? She said.

‘How many have you got?’ I said.

She went to freezer to check. ‘Seven’.

‘We’ll take the lot of them’. I said.

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She threw them into a bag, still frozen. The light was fading, so we mounted our bikes and were off. Farewells rang in our ears, not least the one asserting the sexual practices of cars.

At the caves, we found the cabin at the bottom of a winding, narrow drop. Inside, and out of the chilly night, I filled the small oven with a pile of pies. A pungent smell of chunky beef and greasy pastry filled the cabin. She ate the pastry, unable to stomach the innards. So they were mine. They seemed to hit the spot, although by morning our stomachs were not so sure.

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